"If we want Momma to be pain free, we have to keep giving her morphine.
If she takes morphine than she stops being Momma." That was a text I sent to Loretta a few days back. Momma stopped being Momma yesterday. She is almost all together a different person, kind of like a child, confused, and fragile. And hilarious. Oh my word, so funny. If I knew how to share a video on here I would show you just how funny this medicine is making her. But she is out of pain. Yesterday morning she woke up and exclaimed: "That was the best night sleep I have had since I got this dumb ass cancer." The hallucinations of bats, snakes, gnats, and other "animals" have almost come to a screeching halt. So Momma not being Momma anymore is worth it. I am not sure what else to write here to be honest with you. Other than there is a deep sinking feeling in my gut as I am starting to process that my Momma is nearly gone. While, perhaps, not physically from this earth yet, certainly from her mind. For some this will be easier to imagine, you've experienced this same fear, this same situation once or twice, but imagine with me that the person who raised you, provided everything you ever needed with her own hands. The person who insisted that the weight of your world would on her shoulders, even when she could carry no more. That person, that Momma. Gone. But thats ok. Because heaven. Somewhere I have been forced to think about more and more is heaven. Kyle Idelman preached a message on Heaven that I cannot seem to shake. Kyle showed us that while John didn't give readers a lot of information on would be in heaven, he did record what would would not be there. Revelation 21:4-5 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." John's list inspired Kyle to write a list of his own. Here's what he said: "In heaven there will be.. no more crying, no more pain, no more death, no more cancer, no more divorce, no more bandaids, no more pacemakers, no more school shootings, no more depression, no more abortion, no more hurricanes, no more double chins, no more yelling, no more abuse, no more crash diets, no more spanx, no more drama, no more rape, no more injustice, infomercials, comparison, amber alerts, doctors, taxes, lawyers, elections, no more clowns with chain saws, no more mean kids, orphanages, broken homes, tiny caskets, no more sin..." Here is what I say: If there is one thing that must be in Heaven waiting for Momma... it is our Father. Ready to wipe away our tears and hold us tight. Ready to heal Momma, ready to hold Momma, wipe away her pain, take down the burdens from her shoulders, to be a Dad to my Mom. Momma is not Momma anymore, but she will be in a coming tomorrow.
1 Comment
Lacey
3/29/2017 03:48:35 am
Yay for a good night's sleep for her! Thank you for sharing here. Your mom has such a good sense of humor! I pray for you daily, as I can't imagine how difficult it is to be in your shoes. As always, let me know how I can help.
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