"Heh heh heh. Mom I get it. You're joking. Heh. You can stop any time now. Heh." -@Lorettaiskray (Loretta Kraling)
It is April Fools day; a day jokers live for. A normal day wrapped up in laughs. Decorated with whoopie cushions and fake cat poop. Today I plan to take orders at Jitters and tell people they owe $1274.23 for their Carmel Macchiottos. We'll all laugh, they'll pay $4.99 and leave me a penny for a tip. You know who is the biggest fool? Satan. That guys a total tool. he is not going to win today. He will not to come, kill, lie, and destroy. We reuse to let him. he will not kill my joy. he will not steal our last laughs. he will not even steal mom's last breath. he will not destroy our memories. Momma was taken to Hospice early this morning. Loretta, Emmy, and I didn't catch a wink of sleep last night. All separately staring at the ceiling, with the quite understanding that this was Momma's last night in her home. Her last night in her beloved recliner. We were covered by night. I shed a few silent tears. I didn't wipe them away. I just let them fall on my pillow, scared to move. As if the slightest movement would move time along too quickly. Again back to damn time. Momma was transported to Hospice by three of her brothers. One of her little brothers, Dan, somehow got in contact with a man with an old transport bus. It had a wheelchair lift. Everything went so smoothly. She was confused, only for a moment. We just kept whispering "ok momma, it's time for our next adventure. Are you ready?" And I think she understood exactly where she was going- she completely understood the next steps in this process. She was there for only an hour before they decided to move her drone "respite" care to full "acute" care. Momma's eyes are glossy, she cannot hold contact, she definetly can no longer squeeze my hand, her body is deleicate and in so much pain. The slightest nudge sends her into a series of "ow ow ow ow ow"s. And yet, she just keeps beeming. She keeps smiling, big, bright. Totally cheesin. I cannot imagine the excruciating pain she is in. Her body is shutting down. Her organs, one by one, each cell is shutting down, is.... dying. i am sad. i am frustrated. i am lonely. i am angry. But i also feel a deep and abiding joy. i see Momma's preserving smile and i know we are going to be ok. Momma will rise again. Momma will walk again. And she will fly. we are are able to rise for no other reason than because He is risen.
1 Comment
Cristy
4/1/2017 01:15:35 pm
Oh Molly and family. I love you.
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